You probably have either seen it, been a part of it, or done it.
The time that someone asks the question with a negative connotation that basically is giving them the out of doing whatever it is that you are saying.
It will usually start off with something like, “I really like all of the stuff that you said there…but”
The “but” in many cases is the exact reason that they are going to cite why they are not going to try it later.
“But what about cyberbullying? But what about creepy people? But what about our kids not exercising enough? But what about time? But what about balance? But what about the tests that we have to teach?”
These are all logical questions for a lot of the stuff that I talk about, and like many people that I work with, I also see these as concerns. In my mind they are not reasons to NOT do things, but they are reasons that we need to be proactive. Ignoring a problem will not make it go away.
So when I am about to give my answer to the “ya but” questions that I will inevitably hear, I might have a question back before my answer.
“What if I have a good answer? What will you do then? WIll you consider changing the way you do things or will you stay on the same path?”
I don’t think you should ask this in a condescending way, but in a way to open up and have someone think about what they are going to do if they are provided new information.
The idea of a “fixed” and “growth” mindset is fantastic, but I believe that you can actually have both. Many people that you see that are really “open to change”, are the same people that will not go out and try new restaurants, new experiences, or are set in their ways in other parts of their life. On the notion of schooling, I have a “growth mindset”; on the idea of bungee jumping, I would say that I am pretty set in my ways. You do not have one or the other, but probably a combination of both.
But maybe sometimes, we should help people identify where they are at when they ask a question. Do they really want to hear the answer or is their question just a way of digging their feet in without them even knowing it?
Can we promote a “growth mindset” in subtle ways in the people that we work with? I hope so.
