“Tell me where I am wrong?”
This is something I have been saying for years in my breakout sessions following either district or conference keynotes, and it surprises people not only because I say it, but also because they know I genuinely mean it.
It is a really short sentence, but it can have a profound impact on leadership in any organization because you are asking people not to challenge you to make you look foolish, but to add input to what you shared so you can find the best way possible.
And here is the thing about when people tell me I am wrong, and I realize that I may have misstated something, missed some context, or completely need to reverse my position. It does nothing to me.
What I mean by that is that I do not feel embarrassed by having to change my thinking, because a) I have been wrong so many times in my life that I am kind of numb to it and b) I would rather see I am wrong so I have the opportunity to make it right rather than being stubborn and holding onto something that might not work because of my pride.
Here is the other part of asking people to challenge your thinking.
They are usually WAY nicer when you ask them, rather than when it is unsolicited. Sometimes, that unsolicited challenge can come with personal insults or cutting remarks. Once that happens, I can either a) stop listening or b) dig in deeper to my position. I love conversation, but have no time for personal attacks. The message gets lost in the delivery.
When I tell people to challenge anything I said in my work, I ask them to follow one rule. They have to do it in the room. In jest, I say, “They are not allowed to do it in the parking lot, at the end of the day, with their friends, when I am not there.”
That typically gets a laugh, as do most jokes that bear uncomfortable truths.
We know this happens all the time, and so when you ask for it in the room, the beauty of the process is that you have the opportunity to address it.
In “Forward, Together,” one of the things that I am proud of is that not only do I share that strategy and why it is so essential, but also the times that being challenged has changed my own trajectory. And because of that, not only do I get better, but everyone I serve benefits from that growth.
Here is what I share in the opening chapter of the book:
When we take the time to truly understand someone’s perspective before offering our own, we open the door to real dialogue. People become more willing to listen—not because we’ve “won” an argument, but because we’ve shown respect, empathy, and a genuine desire to learn alongside them.
Note, the above doesn’t work for all situations and that is understood.
But also of note is that if this were used in more conversations, there would be a benefit to all parties that partake, and you are more likely to find the “best ideas” (discussion) than be able to declare “winners and losers” (debate). Whether it’s the “reading wars,” technology in the classroom, school choice, or whatever is going on in education or politics at any point in history, the point of this book is not to take a stance on anything but to address a question:
How do we move people forward, together?
Because if you think about it, any destination in the distance is much easier and better to get to when we work together rather than in opposition.
And when we are open to being challenged, and show that we are willing to alter or totally adjust our thinking, do you know what that does in the room?
It gives others permission to seek challenge in their own way and to know that changing your mind when new information is presented is a sign of strength and wisdom rather than insecurity.
The more people who are willing to grow from an empathetic lens, the better we all become.
BUUUUUUTTTTTT….
There are times when you ask for a challenge, and an idea is presented to you, and nothing changes in your position.
Not because you weren’t open to listening, but because you perhaps have a different viewpoint. If I said that every time someone challenged me or gave me advice, I changed what I did, I would be lying to you.
Sometimes, I don’t agree, or I have a different experience, perspective, or even a long-term goal for what I am trying to achieve, when someone has only an immediate view.
One time (actually more than once, but I guess recently), a session participant gave me feedback on something they felt I shouldn’t have said in one of my talks. When I let them share their thoughts (which they did very respectfully), I shared that I appreciated their viewpoint and that I wanted to share the overall goal I was trying to achieve. At the end of the conversation, they thought I should change, and I preferred to continue on my path.
Here is the strange part in 2026.
We were both okay with that!
Because we both listened to each other.
And that is the point of “Forward, Together.”
It is not about changing your position every time you feel someone disagrees with you.
It is about listening to each other, deciding that sometimes it is best to change your position, and sometimes, it is fine to stay where you are, as long as you genuinely listen to one another.
Learning to disagree with respect can sometimes bring us closest together. And even if it doesn’t, it is still the example we need to set for our kids.
Character matters most when you listen to people, even (and especially) when you disagree with them.
