I would say that I am a pretty positive person.
Not because it is just natural to me.
In fact, I would say that I try to be positive because it is not natural for me.
For years, I have struggled with depression and anxiety, and although those things can be tough to deal with, they also shape me in many positive ways. For example, I would say that I have become acutely aware of trying to be empathetic and understand the experience of others because of my own experiences. I do not want people to feel the way I sometimes feel, which has made me very solution-oriented in some ways.
Being negative can lead me into a spiral that becomes very tough to recover from. It is not avoided out of ignorance but sometimes out of necessity.
But being “positive” is sometimes connected to the idea of becoming “oblivious.”
The idea that the world can be crashing around you, and repeating the mantra of “think good thoughts” will magically fix everything is not one I would ever embrace. When I say that I am a positive person, it is not that.
I would liken it to this Marc and Angel quote:
Yeah, that.
Recently, I started reading the book, “Getting to Neutral: How to Conquer Negativity and Thrive in a Chaotic World” by Trevor Moawad, and it has shifted my thinking a bit on the idea of “being positive” and focusing on the concept of “neutral thinking” when dealing with challenging situations.
I thought about the following example in my own life when
When Covid hit in March 2020 in North America, everyone’s world changed in different ways. My world had changed because I traveled for work, and that was not happening.
No travel meant no work.
For about a day, I worried and had no idea what I would do to take care of my family.
Then the next day, I started to think, “Here is the situation; what do I do?” And then, I began to develop solutions, many of which I continue using today, even though travel is in full swing.
I also remember starting to understand that dealing with being severely overweight and that one of the biggest comorbidities of death with Covid was obesity. I had to do something to change my trajectory. Life is short, and I want to be around as long as possible for my kids, so something had to change. I remember getting on the scale, thinking that I would see a weight that was bad, and then realizing it was 40 pounds worse than I had thought. I laid down in my bed, cried, and remember being extremely upset. Then, I got up and said, “What do I need to do to fix this?” and then started a plan to change my lifestyle, which I still maintain to this day.
According to Moawad, this is the epitome of “neutral thinking.” When facing a challenging situation, “What does this situation require of me?”
Ignoring it fixes nothing. Being negative does nothing. Being positive and pretending there is no issue does nothing.
Addressing the situation and finding a path forward is the way.
Moawad gives a hypothetical situation in workplace bullying and how this mentality works:
“Imagine you’ve got a terrible coworker who bullies you every day and who is being exceptionally merciless today.
This person just unleashed a torrent of insults on you, and you need to choose the next right step right now. These are the wrong questions to ask:
Why is this person doing this to me?
There may be time to examine the issue more deeply later, but in the moment, the reason doesn’t matter.
How do I get out of here?
You have just as much right to be there as your bully. Don’t let them chase you away.
What can I say to make them feel as bad as they’re making me feel?
Escalating the situation will only make it worse.
The correct question to ask- in this or any other stressful predicament is Lindsey’s question:
What does this situation require of me?”
Trevor Moawad
Simple thinking, but not easy.
But if we don’t embrace the thinking, the action never comes.
And without the action, the problem is never solved.
There are many problems in education. How do we move forward?
A few things to consider:
- You can’t control the actions and thoughts of others. Only yourself.
- Complaining might feel good, but it doesn’t fix the situation. It might make the situation seemingly hide away, but it doesn’t solve anything long-term.
- Moving forward takes some looking back. Ask yourself, “What has been done in the past that has led to this situation today? What can we do differently moving forward that will lead us in a positive direction?
I will take the above and apply it to how I focused on improving my own health.
- My goal is not for others to see me in a certain way. My goal is to become healthy for myself and for my kids. How do I want to feel twenty years from now when I am around my kids? Focusing on making decisions now that “future George” will appreciate. You control you.
- There are many outside factors that may have contributed to my weight gain (media, bad routines), and I can blame those factors. That said, it doesn’t get me any healthier to dwell on them. How do I need to change myself mentally to help me get better physically?
- What bad habits have I had in the past, and how do I lessen or rid myself of those situations (i.e., Connecting every event or experience to having snacks or late-night eating)? What are the things that will help me right now (eating at the same time every day, focusing on protein intake, moving, etc.)?
Whether you want to call this “positive” thinking, “neutral” thinking, or being “solution-focused,” it doesn’t matter. Identifying the severity of the situation of the forward and creating a path forward is the way.
A good thing to teach our children and to embrace ourselves.
