As I turned 50 this past week, this quote from “The Pivot Year” by Brianna Wiest was a reminder of how I have always wanted to live my life:
“There is nothing scarier than the idea of leaving what is good for the hope of what may be exceptional. What you do not realize, at that moment, is that you have already decided. The path forward is now about becoming comfortable with that choice, through all the mental gymnastics, justifications, explanations, and processing that it may bring. In the end, you already know. You are not finding your answers.
You are finding your courage.”
Brianna Wiest
There are times in my life when I knew things were “good,” but that was about as far as they would go. I am a big believer in the idea that “the grass is not always greener on the other side, but it is greener where you water it,” but I also know that when I am watering rocks. When you know there is no potential to grow, then it might be time to go. I have said this before, and I will say it again: as I get older, most of my biggest regrets are not things I have done in the past but things I wish I had done.
Specifically, there was one year where I was “done” at my current job, and whether I was going to have a job the next year or not, I was ready to walk away from teaching. There were things in my life at the time that brought me joy, but my job was the opposite. Not because of a boss, an organization, or anything other than me. I just didn’t want to be there anymore, and each year I tried to get a job somewhere else, but was unsuccessful. So I had decided early on that school year, whether or not I had a teaching job lined up or not, I was leaving this one at the end of June.
When I made that commitment to leaving (which was terrifying), I started to re-envision what my future could look like. I was so focused on what wasn’t working in the past that I had stopped dreaming altogether. Focusing on leaving a job, whether you have another one lined up, is scary, but we don’t play the game of Frogger in real life, constantly jumping from one lilypad to the next.
As was said in “Wicked,” sometimes you need to close your eyes and leap.
So, the quick reminder is this: if you are somewhere you know you don’t want to be, don’t stay because you don’t have a plan for what’s next.
The thing that often holds us back from the future we want to create is holding onto a past or present we know we no longer want.
If you want to find a way, you will. But sometimes, you have to let go first before you can find what you need next.
