cc licensed ( BY SD ) flickr photo shared by ramsesoriginal
Thinking aloud…
Barry Schwartz shares this Stephen Covey story in his latest book, “Practical Wisdom“:
Stephen Covey, a management expert, was riding the New York subways on a quiet Sunday morning: Then, suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing. It was difficult not to feel irritated…. So finally, . . . I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?” The man lifted his gaze . . . and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.” Suddenly, I saw things differently, and because I saw differently, I thought differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely…. Everything changed in an instant.
How often does something go wrong for a colleague or friend and do we truly understand what it feels to be in that situation? Not just say, “I understand”, but actually feel or even try to feel what they are going through.
It is stories like this that continue to teach me that we all need to maybe just listen more and be patient with those as they sometimes struggle. In my role as an instructional leader, I continue to try my best to be understanding and serve as best as I can, but it is the empathy that Schwartz talks about that will probably take my own learning to the next level.
There should not only be an emotional connection to the work we do, but also the people we serve.
“Without thoughtful emotion, there would be no wise judgment or wise action.” ~ Barry Schwartz
