This blog post is regarding some of my reflections on the book, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” by Don Miguel Ruiz. I recently did a podcast “review” on the book, and I find that process beneficial to deepening my learning of anything I read. I have never focused on reading as many books as possible but creating my own connections to the learning shared so that it “sticks” in my mind long after the reading.
You can watch the full podcast here, and you can pick up the book on Amazon here.
On to the post!
I was mindlessly scrolling TikTok and saw an interview with Tom Brady (a quarterback who has not only won more titles than any other player ever, but also any team!), and he said that his “go-to” book is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. I thought, if Tom Brady, one of the most successful athletes ever, thought it was valuable, I might as well give it a try!
As I read the book, the ideas were both simple and important. Trying to understand some new learning myself, I asked ChatGPT to write a short summary of the “Four Agreements” and a book conclusion.
Here is what it came up with:
- Be impeccable with your word: “Your word is the power that you have to create. Your word is the gift that you give to the universe.”
- Don’t take anything personally: “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.”
- Don’t make assumptions: “Making assumptions is the biggest cause of suffering. The way to happiness is to find out the truth.”
- Always do your best: “Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.”
The Four Agreements can be applied to any area of life, from relationships to work to personal growth. It’s important to remember that they are not a set of rules but rather a guide for living a more mindful and fulfilling life. The book provides a powerful toolkit for transforming our lives and cultivating greater happiness and fulfillment.
(From ChatGPT)
That’s a pretty accurate description. Thanks, ChatGPT!
My turn now 🙂
As my oldest daughter Kallea is now six years old, she is taking on more responsibility in the house. She was both assigned and asked for certain chores around the house. One of them she asked for was to clean up the dogs’ “leavings” in the backyard daily.
Good for her doing something that is in no way an exciting job for anyone.
Here’s the thing.
That was formerly my job around the house, and every morning after taking the dogs for a walk, I would go into the backyard and ensure that there were no “surprises” to be found. I reluctantly gave up the job to her because that was something that she wanted to do, knowing I had a very high expectation that it was done consistently.
One morning, I noticed a “missed” surprise in the backyard, and although I didn’t say anything, I kept my eye on it.
Then I noticed it the next day.
Then I said something.
I talked to Kallea and said, “Hey…I know you asked to clean up after the dogs every day, and I appreciate that, but I noticed some messes left in the yard. This is a job that I gave up, and I will be honest, I expect that it is done as well by you as it was by me. It is not an awesome job, but I expect you to do it at the highest level. My expectation from you, no matter what you do, is that you always do your best. You will always find success if you have a higher standard for yourself than anyone else.”
“Okay, daddy.” She said that with complete conviction, and I know she will always do what she can, even though it is a crappy job. (See what I did there?)
I believe this, and I am trying to instill it in my own children.
If you commit to doing something, commit to doing it the best you possibly can.
It reminds me of this leadership adage:
Years ago, I heard a story about a principal who went to a school that had struggled year after year, and it seemed like no one wanted to be there, students or staff. She walked by a bathroom in her new building and noticed a disgusting smell coming from the space. She asked the custodian what it was, and he said that it was urine that was soaked into the floors for years, and no matter what was done, the smell wasn’t coming out. Not accepting the answer, the principal grabbed whatever cleaning supplies she could find and worked until the urine, soaked into the floor for years, was removed.
Once her staff saw her commitment to the school and what she was willing to do to improve it, word spread, and everyone else’s expectations increased for themselves.
Want to know about a school’s culture from its leaders?
Watch what they do when there is a piece of garbage on the ground. Do they pick it up and discard it, or do they think that work is for someone else? That will tell you a ton about the culture of the school.
The thing with “Always do your best.” is that it often inspires others to do their best.
One of the things that I appreciated about the concept from Ruiz on “Always do your best” is that he acknowledges that “your best” can look different at different times.
“Always Do Your Best.
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”
Don Miguel Ruiz
As I talked to my daughter about this expectation, I saw a fantastic story about the young football player Damar Hamlin.
For context, for those who don’t know, many people saw the terrifying situation where “During a Monday Night Football game on January 2, 2023, Hamlin suffered cardiac arrest after making a tackle.” He was administered “Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) and automated external defibrillation (AED)” and entered the field in critical condition. It was a terrifying situation, and thankfully with the help of so many and the strength of Hamlin, he is currently on the road to recovery as of writing this post.
Stories keep coming out about this young man that are amazing, including the story about how he started a toy drive aiming to raise $2500 on GoFundMe. At the time of writing this, it has raised over 8 million dollars.
But one story (there are so many in this video!) I saw about Hamlin on ESPN and reaffirmed the message to my daughter.
Throughout the past week, we have all learned the name Damar Hamlin.@agetzenberg shares the story of the Bills safety and his charitable spirit. pic.twitter.com/DXUn2PapBu
— NFL on ESPN (@ESPNNFL) January 8, 2023
In Hamlin’s senior year in high school, as the star player for his team with over 48 scholarship offers to play football at the college level, he was injured and couldn’t play.
So what did he do for his team?
He served as the waterboy to help his teammates in any way he could.
This picture from Hamlin’s high school coach from the video brought me to tears.
This picture goes beyond the idea of “leading by example.”
It screams, “we lead through our example.” It is not just what we do but who we are while doing it.
This picture inspires me to strive to improve in all facets of life.
Always do your best. Your best might look different depending on the day but always strive for it.
Because when you do your “best,” as Hamlin has exemplified over and over again in his life, you can inspire the “best” in so many others.
I am off to hug my daughter.
