This month’s blog revisit, “4 Ways To Not Let Others Dim Your Light,” is one that I come back to often. Sometimes, I am feeling low, but sometimes, I am really appreciative of the support that I receive from others. Today, it is because of the latter.
On a recent trip to keynote the EARCOS leadership conference in Bangkok, Thailand, I was nervous about how my message would be received. Steve Katz, An educator I have known for a long time, was there, and I was looking forward to seeing him. Immediately, he pumped me up and gave me such confidence in what I was presenting. Kasson Bratton, an administrator who was part of a recent graduate course that I taught with UPenn, was also there, and the second I was done with my keynote, he sent me an incredibly kind message via LinkedIn and made me feel like a million bucks!
We often dwell (and in this case, when I say “we,” I mean “me”) on negative interactions longer than the positive ones, but today, I am going to soak in the good in the world, as it made such a difference on me recently. Specifically, it reminded me of the following I shared in the original article.
If you want to see the good in the world, be the good in the world.
That is where my focus is today, and I am grateful for people like Steve and Kasson in my life.
I hope you enjoy the original post below.
4 Ways To Not Let Others Dim Your Light
I had a great conversation with a new principal with huge aspirations on how they would help their school move forward. Very quickly, she seemed to have detractors who focused more on her than her hopes for where she would lead her school. To be clear, this wasn’t even people in her school, but outsiders. My advice was that the more greatness you strive for, the more people will come out of nowhere to hate on you.
People get threatened when other people shine their light on the world. This bothers me even more when educators do it to educators, as our jobs are to empower those we serve, not try to bring them down. If you are doing this to a colleague or peer, would you do it to a student? Would you do it to my daughter if she were in your classroom? In education, this is unacceptable.
Some people believe that if you shine bright, it somehow gives them less opportunity to find their own success. Instead of learning from what others do, they find ways to undermine. There is room for all to be successful. Although we all have different obstacles to overcome, some more daunting than others, we ultimately determine our path and destination.
From one of my favorite pieces:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”
Marianne Williamson, “A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles”
So, how do you deal with those trying to dim your light? Here are a few ways I have learned from others that have helped me tremendously.
1. Be kind, always.
When being seemingly attacked, it is easy to want to strike back. Often, when people are doing this, there are things that they are dealing with that may not be about you. It can be easy to attack immediately, but in the end, how does that make you look? I once heard from a comedian that if you continue to be friendly to those who hate you and continue to be cruel while you are kind, everyone will see who the mean is in the situation. People believe that attacking back shows strength, but being kind even while someone is going after you shows strength on a different level.
2. Ask questions.
Not all criticisms are wrong.
People sometimes genuinely try to help; if we are not open to being challenged, we never grow. Showing humility and learning from others’ criticism creates an excellent opportunity to learn from success and mistakes. By asking questions, you also can find common ground. That being said, if you find common ground and then people disagree with you based on what you both believe, you realize that the criticism is less about the “idea” and more about the person.
Leading to the next point.
3. Move on and ignore.
Time is our most precious currency, and how we spend it today often determines future success. Who you surround yourself with is usually who you become. If you spend time with people constantly trying to deter you from your aspirations, you will spend more time being frustrated and less time making things happen. This is not just during interactions but when we dwell on others’ words and actions.
A favorite quote:
Give people a chance to share their thoughts, but don’t allow them to take away to deter you from your dreams.
4. Give back.
If you want to be empowered, empower others. Be the example. As stated earlier, there is room for all people to be successful, and I make it a personal rule to invest my time in people willing to invest in themselves.
Although our work ethic, personal mindset, and what we do with what we have are factors that lead to success, not one person I know has ever been successful totally on their own. Even in minor ways, people always help out to help others achieve their goals and dreams.
Our legacies continue when they live in others. If you hate others trying to bring people down, don’t just complain; be the opposite.
Success does not happen by accident but by habit.
We have to be intentional in our interactions with others and ourselves. It is okay to be hard on yourself and have high expectations, but that differs from beating yourself up. It is expected that we let others’ criticisms get to us, but we should not let them stop us from doing something great.
The world needs your light to shine.
