There is a lot of conversation in education about student discipline, so I wanted to revisit this post I originally wrote in 2018. The process I described in the post seemed simple, but that doesn’t mean it was easy. When working with students, it is imperative that we not only set high expectations but also that our school community feels supported in the process. A safe environment is needed for all members of our community, and that includes the adults.
It would be an easy enough process (although extremely tedious) to say that if a student does a specific behavior or action, a particular consequence is associated with what has been done. That might feel like a good solution, but it ignores so many variables of any situation.
I wrote the following in my original post, and I still believe it to be true; “When I became a principal, I hoped to create a space where students felt welcomed in my office.”
This could be easily interpreted as a space where students, after serious issues and incidents, are just coddled and sent back to their classrooms with no consequences. That was never the case. As a school administrator, it was vital for me to build relationships with students to take a proactive approach for when things went wrong and for them to feel comfortable enough to share with me what had (truly) happened. It was also necessary to work together to find appropriate solutions for the situation and help the student learn to deal with their own actions after school.
If you want to learn more about my viewpoints and strategies, I had a great conversation with Nathan Maynard and Valerie Nesmith-Arechiga on this topic, where they also shared their philosophies and ideas on discipline in school and what they refer to as “Restorative Practices 2.0.” It was a great conversation, and I hope that the podcast and blog post below can start some conversations to ensure that we create an environment that ensures students and staff feel safe and supported now while providing the strategies to take accountability and ownership over actions to find solutions in the future.
When I was a student, the expectation when you were sent to the office to see the principal was that there would be significant trouble. It was the place you would get scolded and maybe even yelled at, which was seen as a deterrent to doing anything wrong. Unfortunately, the obstacle did not do much for me, and I spent much more time in the principal’s office than I would like to admit.
When I became a principal, I hoped to create a space where students felt welcomed in my office. I did not want it to be a place of fear, so I spent a lot of time outside of my office, connecting with students in the hallways or during recess to build relationships. I did my best to know every student’s name because, inevitably, students may be sent to see me. The worst way you can start a conversation with a student who has made a mistake is, “What is your name again?” That connection before a visit to the office was necessary for me to help any student move forward.
My focus when students were sent to the office was to ask two questions:
1. Why are you here?
2. What would you do if you were me?
On the first question, “Why are you here?” sometimes students would not share with you why they were sent to the office immediately, so I would patiently wait. But no matter what, I would not leave that student until they answered. It was vital for me to show the student that even though they made a mistake, I was not leaving.
The importance of having the students share why they were there was for them to focus on their actions than on what you were saying. Yes, I had a pretty good idea why they were sent, but I wanted them to work through it so they could focus on their action, not my reaction.
Once that was shared, I would ask, “What would you do if you were me?”
Students were ALWAYS harder with how they saw the consequences of their actions than I ever would be. Once they shared their thoughts, I would work through it with them.
Some reading this might see this as a “soft” way to deal with students, but in fact, I felt that students often felt more accountable for their actions through this process. I wasn’t merely delivering a punishment but preparing the student to take accountability and solve their problems. I love this quote from Ross W. Greene:
This method didn’t always work immediately, but I saw tremendous improvements in their overall demeanor and problem-solving skills from students through this process. Ultimately, we want to give our students the tools to solve their problems, not wait for someone to come in and do it for them.
